HARLINGEN, TX -A nightlight designed to represent an image of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ caused William Holder, area father of two to explode in a torrent of obscenities on Monday when he was unable to complete the simple task of changing its light bulb.
"This thing is (expletive deleted) ridiculous!" Holder yelled from his kitchen as he attempted the replacement. "Who is the hell designed this damn thing? I mean are they trying to piss me off? What the (expletive deleted)?!"
The need for the bulb exchange was first discovered and brought to his attention by Holder's 16 year old daughter Mary, who recently had returned from a week at church camp and is an acolyte at St. Elsewhere church where the family has attended services regularly for the past 18 years.
Originally thought to be a minor job, the effort quickly turned into a frenzy of both frustration and very vocal disdain for the nightlight. "I don't know what to (expletive deleted) say about this piece of (expletive deleted)", Holder said bitterly through a scowl. "The hole is too small to get the bulb out! What in the living (expletive deleted) am I supposed to do? Break it to get this (expletive deleted) thing working again? How in the (expletive deleted) did they even manage to sell anything designed like this in the (expletive deleted) first place?" As he fumed, Holder reportedly picked up the nightlight, looking into the eyes of the figure of Jesus as he did and screamed, 'Work you (expletive deleted) thing! Work!' as his children and his wife of 24 years looked on in complete astonishment while nervously looking toward the ceiling for errant 'lightning bolts'.
Originally thought to be a minor job, the effort quickly turned into a frenzy of both frustration and very vocal disdain for the nightlight. "I don't know what to (expletive deleted) say about this piece of (expletive deleted)", Holder said bitterly through a scowl. "The hole is too small to get the bulb out! What in the living (expletive deleted) am I supposed to do? Break it to get this (expletive deleted) thing working again? How in the (expletive deleted) did they even manage to sell anything designed like this in the (expletive deleted) first place?" As he fumed, Holder reportedly picked up the nightlight, looking into the eyes of the figure of Jesus as he did and screamed, 'Work you (expletive deleted) thing! Work!' as his children and his wife of 24 years looked on in complete astonishment while nervously looking toward the ceiling for errant 'lightning bolts'.
The struggle continued for nearly an hour until it was obvious that Holder lacked both skill and patience for the project. At which point, he called the nightlight a "(expletive deleted)" and abruptly threw it into the kitchen trash and stomped off into another room.
