Since You Bought That Used Kia, You've Changed, by Matthew Magee

Guest Editorial:  Matthew Magee is a senior at Harlingen High School

I'm not sure why things have to be different now, but they clearly are.  You and I have known each other since we were in 5th grade and I consider our friendship to be one of the best parts of my life.  We enjoy the same music, like to go fishing in the Bay and have spent nearly every weekend doing stuff together for as long as I can remember. I even took your sister to the junior prom last year because you asked me to.  You are my best friend in the world.  That's why this pains me to have to be the one to say this Dave, but ever since you bought that used Kia, you've changed.

When you first told me that your dad had offered to loan you $500 to help you buy your first car, I was excited for you.  Sure, maybe I was a little jealous since you have a mom and dad who have stayed together and I never even knew my father, but it was cool. Money has always been tight with me and my mom, but you were getting yours and that's what mattered to me.  I remember the first day six months ago that you and I went checking out the used car places over on Sunshine Strip and Commerce streets looking for just the right sweet ride to begin our new adventure.  Soon there would be no more bumming rides for us and no more having to ask your mom to borrow the minivan on Friday night's to cruise around. That's what it was all about.  Freedom.  No matter what, I knew I would be right there with you.  At least that's what I had hoped even thought I suppose in retrospect I should have known better.  I feel so stupid now.  I should have seen this coming.

So, there we were that one rainy Wednesday afternoon at Tiger Motors.  You signed on the dotted line, handed over the cash and that would be the beginning of the end for both of us.  Had I known what was in store, I would have certainly intervened and tried to stop you. At first everything seemed great.  The next two weeks were great and you and I drove the wheels off that Kia. We were like Butch and Sundance; we took trips to the beach and cruised all over the Valley.  Life was great, but soon enough things began to change between us and there was nothing I could do to keep it from happening. 

Gradually over the next several weeks, you started using words like 'responsibility' and 'job' and the nightmare began to unfold.  I would call your house on Friday nights to hook up and go cruise, but your mom would tell me that you were 'running errands' for her or 'had to drive grandma to dialysis'.  What the hell man?  I thought you and I had something special.  A kind of friendship that was rare and beautiful and now you are filling up your life with other activities that makes our relationship look second rate.  I just don't understand why using your time and your car to drive your cousin to see his parole officer in San Antonio takes precedence over me needing to make a beer run into Mexico. Aren't we friends anymore?  What have I done to deserve your derision? You are breaking my heart, Dave.

Now, instead of doing something fun I am sitting here writing this on a sunny Saturday afternoon when I could be surfing.  Sadly, it seems that my chances of going to the beach are nil since you are picking up your uncle from the airport you soulless jerk.

France Really Ticked Off That Nobody is Speaking French

Now, now. He/she probably just didn't know any better. French teachers lead such empty lives as it is that no one has the heart to tell them the awful truth, which is that French is a language on the way down, not up.

Once the language of diplomacy, French was used in the royal courts of Germany, Russia, and Italy during the 19th century. Fifty years ago Somerset Maugham called it "the common language of educated men" (women too, one presumes). But it's been in a state of decline since World War II, having long ago been supplanted by--you guessed it--English.

English is the primary language of more than 400 million people and is the second language of hundreds of millions more. It's essential in science, technology, economics, and finance. It's the official language of airport control towers, might as well be the official language of computer software, and of course is vital to a perfect comprehension of MTV, Madonna, and other pillars of modern culture. French is the primary language of maybe 114 million, including such outposts of world commerce as Haiti, Cameroon, and Burkina Faso, and is essential chiefly to reading menus at Le Cirque.

The French have been desperately attempting to reverse this trend. In addition to hosting international conferences of "Francophone" (French-speaking) nations, France as of 1986 was spending $750 million per year to support 20,000 French teachers in 155 countries. It also employs language police to guard against un-Gallic intrusions such as le compact-disc. But all in vain.

Not that French doesn't have its uses. Au contraire. It remains the language of international pretension par excellence, having a certain je ne sais quoi that appeals irresistibly to the nouveaux riches. Also, let's face it, je t'aime sounds infinitely classier than "luv ya, babe." But French is more likely to come in handy in the intimate hours after the business meeting than during.