Local Dollar Tree customers and fans alike are finally being rewarded for their patience with the epic arrival today of Clay Aiken's milestone literary masterpiece, "Learning to Sing" more than four years after its initial release.
The promise of the timeless wisdom and marvelous, pithy anecdotes delivered direct from the mind of the heralded musical genius has lead to lines forming more than a week ago and stretch for hundreds of people at all Dollar Tree stores around the Valley. Additionally, since each copy will only cost $1.00 plus applicable local sales tax, it is a fantastic, unheard of once in a lifetime bargain for such a tome of universal acclaim that is unequaled in both its vision and outright demand.
Local Dollar Tree management and law enforcement officials have been keeping a close eye on the huge, swelling masses of people congregating around the retail locations this week in anticipation of the book's arrival. Traffic in many cases has been snarled to the point of gridlock as swarms of people have clogged parking lots and nearby streets in an attempt to be one of the lucky few to snatch up one of the last eight million copies of the book.
Despite the docile and effeminate nature of the hoards waiting in the long lines, some fights have broken out at a few of Dollar Tree's nine Valley stores. From most reports, the fights seem limited to hair pulling and scratching between people who are suffering from exhaustion and general lack of fabulousness due to the days of waiting outside exposed to the elements. Aside from a dozen claims of hurt feelings, no serious casualties have resulted thus far.
Today promises to be a day that will become legend for Valley residents as school districts and businesses alike have agreed to remain closed to allow employees and students the opportunity to become one of the lucky fans to obtain a copy of the book.
Dollar Tree locations around the Valley will open today at 10am.
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