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| Doomsday Soothsayer Harold Camping |
Despite the strongly held belief that the end of the world will take place tomorrow at 6:00pm EST as prophesied by renowned Christian radio host Harold Camping, a local man will go ahead and move forward today with plans to have a leaking water pipe repaired 'just in case'.
Hector Fernandez has been a long time fan of the End Times and has read dozens of books and reports written by religious scholars and mentally unbalanced media types for years. Despite his sincerest convictions that the latest doomsday prediction posed by Camping is '100% right on the mark this time', the pragmatic Fernandez is under pressure from his wife to hire a plumber to fix a leaking water pipe that broke two days ago and subsequently left the carpet soaked in their living room. "I already called someone to come and have the leak fixed", Fernandez said in an early morning telephone interview. "My wife promised me that she was going to really be ticked if I didn't take care of it before she got home from work." Originally, Fernandez was going to forgo doing anything of consequence since it would apparently not matter in the slightest with the doomsday deadline imminent, however his wife obviously had other plans for him. "If you knew her, you would already know how much the smell of moldy carpet enrages her," Fernandez said. "You simply do not want to go there. End of the world or not."
When asked why Fernandez was succumbing to the demand and allowing himself to be committed to such a trivial matter on the eve of Camping's so-called 'May 21, 2011 End of the World Prophesy', his explanation was simple. "I suppose there's a small chance that both she and I will be left here on earth after tomorrow and you can bet that if that is the case, she is going to want a working dishwasher and there is no way I am going to chance pissing her off about this. I'll never hear the end of it," Fernandez said. "She doesn't really believe that the end of the world is upon us like I do, but after about 48 really convincing predictions [about the end of the world] that have come and gone since we got married 21 years ago, this one really feels right, like this time it's really going to happen. At least I am praying that it does," Fernandez said. "I mean, that lunatic Glen Beck has his own show and Oprah is ending 25 years on her show. Plus, my neighbor's insurance agent's best friend's son read somewhere that Zombie Reagan is terrorizing the California countryside. So there's that." Fernandez reasoned. "These signs by themselves are just undeniable evidence, dude. For the reals. On top of everything else, my daughter has tasked me with the unforgiving job of painting her bedroom for her birthday and the garage is some kind of disaster area," Fernandez said wistfully. "So, all I can say is that the world had better end tomorrow, man. The sooner the better."
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