The remainder of a gallon of orange juice was yet again noticed still begging for attention from inside the door of a Harlingen office refrigerator on Monday.
The Minute Maid Medium Pulp with Extra Calcium has been resident inside the refrigerator for at least four months and has remained otherwise untouched since an unknown person, most likely the original owner of the orange juice, wrote 'please drink' in permanent marker on the container.
Iris Hinojosa, receptionist at the office decided long ago that she was going nowhere near it. "I might have considered drinking some back when I first saw it in there, but it's been in there forever now and it's way past its expiration date. Still, no one has thrown it out. It just sits there day after day begging for attention. What is this Alice in Wonderland?" Another employee is equally perplexed. Dan Hale from the sales department has been eying the suspicious liquid since June and glances at the jug twice daily looking closely for evidence of consumption. Hale even goes so far as to place a ruler against the side to take and record measurements on a daily basis. "I see it every day when I put my lunch in the fridge in the morning and take it out at noon. According to my calculations, it doesn't look like anyone has touched that juice. Stranger still, nobody even knows who put it in there in the first place. Besides, with an invitation like 'please drink' man, I am sure that there's rat poison or something like that in it." Hale said. "Like that movie 9 to 5 with Dolly Parton. Remember that movie? Someone probably poisoned it to kill off the boss for some sort of indiscretion, but the plan failed and whoever left it is going to have to tie him up in his bedroom while his wife is on a cruise until they can get him reassigned to Brazil or something."
Whatever the case, a mandatory company-wide brainstorming session has been called to discuss the juice and come up with ideas helpful in determining what actions are to be taken. Josh Uribe, assistant manager is fearful for his crew's safety. "I don't care how much vitamin C it has to offer and it doesn't matter that Minute Maid's quality is legendary in the world of fine juices, this orange juice in particular poses a clear and present danger to the security of this office and to the dedicated people that work here. I want the individual who has failed to remove it found and dealt with!" Although it is unclear what final results will come out of the meeting, the severe dip in productivity demands that management make a decisive move against the juice very soon.
Velma De la Cruz, the snack machine vendor makes three deliveries a week to the office and can always expect the latest juice-related news. "Yeah, I've been hearing about that juice for weeks from everyone. I have to say, most of my stops are pretty much routine. People talk to me about the weather, their families, relationships or just whatever. All the people in this place seem to want to talk about is that (expletive deleted) orange juice," De la Cruz confided. Since the consensus around the office is that the juice owner is a sinister fellow employee, De la Cruz has earned the confidence of everyone given her status as an outsider. "Like this other day, I was unloading some Snickers bars and Carl from marketing pulled me aside and whispered that he felt like something bad was about to happen and that the orange juice was some kind of harbinger of evil," De la Cruz said. "Then he just started to cry and tried to grope me. I've never seen anything like it. Most of the time it's always the same kind of, 'hey have you heard about the juice?' or 'for God's sake don't drink that juice!'"
Regardless of the ultimate fate of the Minute Maid that still sits patiently waiting in the cold darkness, the mystery will certainly continue to linger on for years, even after a suitable disposition of the matter has come to pass.
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