Mark Wright, a local telemarketing representative and long time out of shape, shiftless consumer of both wildly unhealthy foods and outrageously expensive electronics learned Wednesday that both his credit score and cholesterol level are now exactly 300.
After a lunch of two Whoppers and a 32 ounce chocolate shake from a local Burger King, a visit to his doctor to determine the 'mysterious' cause of ongoing chest pains unveiled the first of the two discoveries. The results of a comprehensive blood test and physical examination confirmed that not only did Wright have a terrifyingly high cholesterol count, but that he was at the very least hypertensive, anemic and in the early stages of Type 2 Diabetes.
The news was not well received by Wright who has been known to place any number of cheeseburgers in a blender along with half a bottle of mayonnaise, blend for five minutes then proceed to drink the resulting chunky liquid-like substance through a straw 'for the fun of it'. He angrily denied the test results while his physician loudly and urgently ordered him to change his lifestyle habits immediately. The doctor continued to warn that without decisive action his health would continue to deteriorate to a point where recovery would be nearly impossible. Several dietary recommendations were made that included the consumption of foods whose natural environment was not a wrapper stamped with an image of a clown, but given his well established disregard for his own well being, it is not known if Wright will ever seriously consider his doctor's life saving advice.
Wright has had a remarkably poor history of managing his credit just as badly as his health. In 2009 for example, he signed up for more than twelve different credit cards and then immediately set out to run the cards up to their limits within hours of receiving them. Bose Wave radios, vintage 8 track players and Fender amplifiers are just a few of the high priced items that Wright felt were 'absolutely necessary' to his happiness despite having no electricity in his apartment thanks to failing to pay his electric bills for eight months. Wright's credit line was also used to purchase every item for sale in the March 2008 copy of Sky Mall, at least two times within the same week and nearly six months ago he bought $2,600 worth of flying lessons even though he owns no airplane and has been previously diagnosed with a severe and as yet untreated case of acrophobia.
Since Wright's out of control credit card spending has left him deeply in debt with interest charges piling up, any plans to reduce his balances have been completely dismissed and he has begun to fall hopelessly behind in making even the most minimum of payments. As a result, his credit just like his body has been mortally wounded. So it should have come to no surprise to Wright when he opened his mailbox later in the day to find the credit notification letter from TransUnion which indicated his newly reduced score.
The impact of the day's activities then culminated with the consumption of a twelve pack of Twinkies and a quart of strawberry milk. Wright then sat alone in the dark weeping softly while gently cradling his $3,500 Alienware Aurora m9700 high performance notebook computer for approximately three hours until he eventually passed out.
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