In today's economic climate stretching your dollar is more important than ever, especially if you are in the market for a new car. Believe me, I understand. Unfortunately, consumers are not as quick to buy new as they were back in early 2008 and continue to find themselves pulled equally hard in two directions. They can either spend money on their current used car for unplanned repairs and upkeep that can cost thousands or purchase a new car that comes with a warranty and has no miles on it, but requires considerable monthly payments. Either choice is going to wind up leaving your bank account drained, but buying a new car makes more financial sense and you can't make a more informed decision than buying a new Nissan from me as soon as possible. Now please allow me to tell you why.
First, and most importantly Nissan builds an exceptional car particularly the Armada Platinum with All-Mode 4WD. I recommend this model to everyone I talk to primarily due to the fact that the commission on that vehicle is about three times more than the standard Armada which goes a long way in helping me make my court-ordered restitution payments. Secondly, my daughter wants to start taking piano lessons next month and it's been tough enough lately to save any money at all since my son had to get braces last year; by the way since when did she like the piano? All she does is sit in front of the TV all day and watch Spongebob for Pete's sake. Additionally, my mother-in-law's house burned down in February because she fell asleep smoking and even though I fought like hell against it, my wife insisted that she move in with us. Her social security check goes straight to pay for back taxes she has owed for a decade and so I'm stuck having to feed five mouths instead of just four. Plus, my mother-in-law has a gambling problem. So, you can probably imagine how many times I've come home to discover that all the ones and fives I had stashed in my sock drawer have gone missing.
Another great reason to buy a Nissan is the outstanding warranty. Not only will you be covered in case of any needed repairs for 3 years or 36,000 miles, having you sit there while I detail these benefits allows me the opportunity to sell you optional floor mats and other accessories. Getting you to say 'yes' to profitable add-ons will help me out considerably since we are having an accessory contest this month. The winner will receive a $500 check and I could use that money to pay for the damage my wife did to the garage door when she repeatedly kicked it Sunday after church during one of our fights about her mother. Since the track is bent and the door won't close correctly, it's going to cost me a bundle to get someone to come over a fix it. Thanks to this, I wouldn't be helping you out if I didn't insist that you protect your new Nissan with the ultra-undercoat protection and the mega-paint sealant for a measly extra $2000.
Lastly, your purchase of a new Nissan guarantees that I'll finally be able to set aside a few dollars to pay off the clerk at the Stripes who I had an affair with last year and has been blackmailing me for months. Every day you postpone your purchase is needless since the feeling of owning a new Nissan will take you higher than a kite. I guarantee it. As a matter of fact, all your wildest dreams will come true if you just come down here today and buy a car from me. Seriously, last week this one guy bought a loaded Titan 4x4 with on-board navigation and the Bose surround sound system and the next day he won the lottery. Swear to God.
So don't hesitate. I'm here to help make sense of your new Nissan purchase and have all the answers. Trust me. You don't need to look anywhere else. As a matter of fact, don't look anywhere else. Every other car salesman in the Valley is a liar and a thief except me anyway. Oh, and they also worship Satan. You don't want to deal with any Satan worshiping car salesmen do you? I didn't think you did. So, I'll be here. 16 hours a day, every day. Count on it. We usually have fajitas and free cokes we can throw your way so when you come down here just stuff your face all you want. I'll be doing all the talking anyway. Just keep one hand free to sign the paperwork. You might want to bring a friend also. Better yet, bring all your friends, family, coworkers and second hand acquaintances. Drag people in off the street. Whatever you want. It's all good to me, but most importantly don't forget your checkbook.
No comments:
Post a Comment