This cinematic abortion-gone-horribly-wrong is a so-called 'sequel' of the innovative original 1982 Disney flick that was heralded as being the first movie to be made with considerable computer graphics. Hell, at 12 years old even I knew it was groundbreaking even if the original storyline sucked.Tron Legacy, however can be best compared to having your neighbor's retarded cousin show up to molest your cat at 2am; unwelcome, but strangely amusing and so bizarre you can't help but watch in disbelief... for two hours. Like your cat, you will immediately require some kind of counseling.
Jeff 'The Dude' Bridges and that other guy from Scarecrow and Mrs. King reprise their roles (tiredly) with the major addition of Sam, the pivotal 27 year old son of Bridge's character played by some random actor guy that looked like something the Disney Child Actor Machine could have once vomited up. I don't want to blow your mind with all the logic problems, glaring inaccuracies or countless holes the story falls into every five minutes. Let me just say that this movie is best viewed while high on Oxycontin. The techno-jargon involved with the movie is nonsensical and mind-numbing to the point that even the bad-assed soundtrack by Daft Punk couldn't save it as well. I was amazed by one aspect of the movie, however: it has no plot. Almost all movies at least have some linear idea, but this one is devoid of anything. Any attempt to describe why everything was happening would be a pointless exercise in frustration since you can tell within three minutes that even the committee of fools that wrote this drivel had no idea what this train wreck was supposed to end up being either. If you don't think I'm serious, go ahead and ask anyone who has seen this to describe it then watch their head explode after about five seconds.
I guess if I really had to try and sum it up I'd have to simply say that there are tons of cool computer effects strategically designed to try and disguise this huge mess as being somehow relevant. There are lots of people running around pretending to be computer programs doing stuff and fighting against this other computer program that looks like a young Jeff Bridges. People wear clothes with blue lights on them, drive around on computer motorcycles and electronic whirly-birds that kill. Everybody dies. The End. (Head explodes).
4 Thumbs Down.
Tab Lazenby is the movie critic for The Artichoke Daily News
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